About the 36 questions

For You is a free web app that walks two people through the 36 questions, one card at a time. Sit facing each other with one phone between you, read each card out loud, take turns answering, and swipe on when you have both had your say. It takes about an hour. There is nothing to install and no account.

Where the questions come from

They are from a 1997 study by the psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues, The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness, published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Pairs of strangers were given three sets of slips, twelve questions each, and 45 minutes to work through them. The questions escalate: the first set asks who you would invite to dinner, the last asks whose death in your family you would find most disturbing.

A 2015 New York Times essay by Mandy Len Catron, To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This, made the list famous and added four minutes of silent eye contact at the end. For You uses two.

A note on the wording

The 36 questions are Aron's, and the deck follows the study's appendix rather than any of the copies circulating online — including the set boundaries, which are twelve, twelve and twelve, with "Make three true 'we' statements" opening Set III rather than closing Set II. Two changes: numerals are spelled out, and the two questions that said "him or her" now say "them". Nothing else is edited, and no question is cut.

Common questions

Does it only work on strangers?

No. The study used strangers because closeness between them is easier to measure, but the questions were built to escalate self-disclosure between any two people. Couples of ten years find things they have never asked.

How long does it take?

About an hour for all three sets at an unhurried pace. You can stop anywhere — the app remembers your place and you can pick it up later.

Will it make us fall in love?

The study generated closeness, not romance, and it never claimed otherwise. What the questions reliably do is get two people past the answers they have both already heard.

Is it free, and is anything recorded?

Free, with no ads and no account. Nothing you say is typed in, recorded or sent anywhere. The only thing stored is which card you were on, kept in your own browser.

What are the mini games?

Two breaks between the sets — one is most taps in fifteen seconds, the other is who types faster. The deck ends with two minutes of silent eye contact.